David Shrigley

•→ http://www.davidshrigley.com/

◊  Who I Am and What I Want  ↓

♦  Blur  ↓  ‘Good Song’

Waiting, I got no town to hide in
The country’s got a hold of my soul
TV’s dead and there ain’t no war in my head
And you seem very beautiful to me

Sleeping but my works not done
I could be lying on an atom bomb
I’ll take care ‘cause I know you’ll be there
You seem very beautiful to me

It is the rest of your life keeps a rolling and rolling
Picture in my pocket looks like you
It is the rest of your life keeps a rolling, rolling, rolling along

◊  Life without art  ↓

¤ →Late Night Tales  (2006)

presents David Shrigley – Forced to Speak with Others, the first collection of audio offerings from acclaimed Scottish satirical artist.

It features Shrigley’s dark rhetoric to a backing of dark melodies, ominous percussion and playful sounds, a collection of tracks which could be described as weird and wonderful… or perhaps bizarre and slightly unhinged or maybe brilliant and genius?

Shrigley has penned 14 tracks of spoken word stories and mutterings on subjects as diverse as Satan’s apocalyptic rock concert, giant hairy children, ludicrously clumsy fathers and an insect that desires to lays eggs inside someone’s brain.

«I am a man with things to say. Some of the most important things that I have said have been recorded here for future generations to enjoy after my death. They have been set to music to make them more enjoyable.”

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♦  David Shrigley  gives a  v-e-r-y   s_l_o_w   talk on vice  @ The School of Life

He reviews Dante’s Seven Deadly Sins & others . . . ⇒

1.    PRIDE  (= VANITY)

  2.   JEALOUSY.

    3.   ANGER.

      4.   LAZINESS.

        5.   GREED

(= AVARICE = COVETOUSNESS)

          6.   GLUTTONY.

            7.   LUST.

              .    .    .

*       *       *

Don’t  ↑  stick your hand in the blender

Don’t use the hairdrier while you’re in the bath

Unplug the electric saw before you try to fix it

Don’t point a crossbow at your friends

Don’t trim your toenails with a carving knife

Don’t climb inside old freezers in the junk yard

Don’t put your nephew in the microwave

Don’t summon demons with the ouija board.

Don’t try to make new holes in your belt while you’re still wearing it

Don’t try to swim to the island

Don’t throw darts at people

There is no such thing as a metal Frisbee

Don’t climb on a bridge

Don’t throw stones at me to try to attract my attention

Don’t shut your eyes while you’re driving.

There is no such thing as a metal Frisbee

Don’t drink the grey wine.

Don’t swallow pills that you find in the street

Don’t stab people with old syringes

Don’t make  your own fireworks

Don’t drop slabs from a motorway bridge

Don’t take the batteries out of the smoke alarm

Don’t throw grit at the driver

Don’t make your own flame-thrower

Stay out of the chemistry labs when the supervisor is absent

Don’t  throw ammunitions on a campfire

Don’t play games with poisonous snakes

Don’t eat glass

Don’t smoke in the refueling depot.

Be careful with  the nail-gun and the air rifle, and circular saw

Don’t glue razorblades onto things.

Don’t pick fights with known psychopaths

Don’t touch the hot plate

Don’t hang-glide over the volcano

Don’t lean out to the window when the bullet train in in motion

Don’t put old car batteries in the furnace

Don’t play cheeky

Don’t fly a kite beneath the electricity pylons

Don’t be dared to do dangerous things by people with missing limbs

Don’t make roadblocks on the bobsleigh run.

Don’t pretend to be a doctor

Don’t temper with the braking system

Don’t shout at old people

Don’t liberate zoo animals

Don’t use the lawn mower to trim the hedge

Don’t give bayonets to children

Don’t hide the fire-extinguisher

Don’t run in the hospital

Don’t stick metal coat hangers in the toaster while it’s still switched on

Don’t buy bomb-making equipment

Don’t slash my tires while I’m driving

Don’t play war in the electricity substation

Don’t stage mock executions

Stay away from the ski jump and the cable car and the funicular railway.

Don’t volunteer for the drug testing

Don’t go in hot air balloons.

Don’t press the red buttons

Obey the stop signs – obey the stop signs – obey the stop signs

and the No-entrance signs, and the speed limit

Don’t jump over the barriers

There is no such thing as a metal Frisbee

Don’t try to perform surgery on yourself

Don’t stick  kebab skewers up your nose

Don’t join the army

Keep your hands off the gas tap and the welding equipment and the railway signals.

Don’t break into people’s houses and flame up their chimneys

Don’t park in the fast lane

Don’t steal police cars

Don’t pretend to be an acupuncturist or a pilot or a back specialist.

Don’t try to grow biological weapons

Wash your hands after using pesticides or

playing with an animal or attempting to grow biological weapons

And above all, don’t eat scorpions.